88. it's funny, if I was a fictional character you'd be in love with me, but since I'm real, you hate me. so rational of you. that it almost hurts.
but still, my heart is racing back to you. like a magnet. so rational of me.
trying to run away from your gravity these days. the black old sun. the black hole inside. me. is so bright that I can't see any further no more. can only see your eyes, everywhere, without faces. and fences, between us, bloody fences. as big as oceans.
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remember the feminist that used to torture me on my dreams? well, she's back. this time for good she said. I'm scared. and apparently you're sacred. 'cus this is all for you. they all are coming back for your revenge. so much for justice so much for love.
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remember how much i hated writing - sweared that never again? we'll you must be happy, here I'm writing again late nights. not for you, but because of you.
cus i figured, after long years, talking to people doesn't solve things, it just adds up. stranger danger. it's like a horseshit exchange, you tell your story, they tell theirs. and no one actually listens.
__________
the only difference between you and my whiskey is, at least the drink helps to forget. unlike you. keep reminding your. self. so selfish of you.
__________
saw fred the other day, the dude from my forgotten novel. said he thought you were dead. I said I wish.
he said I shouldn't talk like that about others. till he realized he's talking to a dead man.
and till i realised i'm talking to my fictional characters
_________
remember I always wanted to get a dog that won't talk? I managed to get the dog somehow, but she keeps barking. your. name.
or i think im going insane.

// Timidus - a few years before his death, midnight (2021)

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